Love in Islam

Is Islam a destroyer of love, a noose of feelings, an extinguisher of romance?

Dead wrong. Islam is a channel that directs the river of romance into a vibrant ocean.

In fact, Islam commands that married couples prioritize each other and their relationship above almost everything including their children. Seriously, even just holding hands and feeding each other are rewarded.

I have consumed quite a bit of manga and anime, and thus (unfortunately) have been exposed to romance and love themes more than a Muslim should be. But it has also allowed me to ponder how the "mainstream" version of love compares to the love Islam endorses.

Indeed, even within fiction I am skeptical of relationships based primarily on physical and worldly external attributes. "Isn't she cute, I'd like to date her". "He's a star football player, I'd love to become his girlfriend". Cuteness and athleticism will lose their appeal after a short while, particularly if the couple are incompatible or just immature.

Sharing common interests or liking each other's personality traits is better. For example, the couple both enjoy biking, or the girl admires the guy's courage, or the guy likes the girl's intelligence. In fact, successful relationships typically require the couple to share some interests and admire each other's personalities to an extent.

But the best romantic relationship is where the couple earnestly support each other in achieving their goals and happiness, and comfort each other during trials and suffering. Unlike what books and films often portray, the climax of a relationship is not in romantic date, "I love you", or even intimacy, but in the light the couple give each other during their darkest difficulties. But for this to happen, the couple's life goals and values must be compatible.

In Islam especially, what elevates a couple's relationship above other friendship are well-defined shared goals, values, and responsibilities. The husband must provide while spending time with his wife. Gossip is not allowed between them, but joking is encouraged. Improving prayer and Qur'an are glorified targets. And therein lies a reason why extramarital relations are harmful- trust without real commitment or shared understanding. 

The story of Umm Salamah and her first husband moved me closer to tears than most of the fictional romances I read. They had a wonderful relationship despite the hardships of multiple migrations and were a model Muslim couple. But in the battle of Uhud, the husband was seriously injured. On his deathbed, Umm Salamah wanted to promise she would never remarry so they would be reunited in the next life. But her husband actually ordered her to remarry so that she would not be alone for the rest of this life. Their love wasn't until death, but beyond.

This is because their goal was the purest a human can have: to enter Jannah together. And for that, they were rewarded with an immensely loving relationship that no trial could dent until death. This is probably why Islam prioritizes piety when looking for a life partner: to ensure the couple share the purest of goals and thus have the best of enjoyments:

“This whole world is an enjoyment, and its best enjoyment is a righteous wife” [Muslim].